My Happiness Project

Back in February I read The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. I heard great things about it, and as it turned out, I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it very inspiring. I normally avoid self-help books; however, this one was hard to put down.  A “happiness project,” as Gretchen describes it, “is an approach to changing your life. First is the preparation stage, when you identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, and engagement, and also what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse. Second is the making of resolutions, when you identify the concrete actions that will boost your happiness. Then comes the interesting part: keeping your resolutions.”

Although I am happy in my life, and have plenty to be grateful for (my kids, hubby, family), I believe there are still many areas of my life that I can modify or things that I can do to increase my happiness. I despise the clutter in my house, I hate that I haven’t been working out as much as I’d like, I’d love to have more ME time, etc… I think that there are always things one can do to increase ones happiness. As I was reading her book, I found that I would put the book down and go do something right away that she suggested…. And you know what? I felt happier already.

One thing that really stood out to me was to “BE AMY,” as simple as that may sound, it’s very important to stay true to ones’ self. Another simple secret to happiness that was established was to “Do good, feel good.” Gretchen did her happiness project over a whole year, focusing on different topics each month. I didn’t want to wait that long. So, I have slowly started integrating different aspects of “happiness-improvement” over the last couple months. Please note, that the following categories are described in much more depth in Gretchen Rubin’s, Happiness Project; however, I have modified them and left out some steps to make my own unique happiness project.

1.       Boost Energy:
Boosting my energy is really important, as watching kids all day is physically and mentally exhausting! I’m addicted to NOS energy drinks, which I know are awful for me, so I hope that working on increasing my energy in other ways, may help me decrease my intake of sugary caffeine. Gretchen broke it down into, going to bed earlier (I still haven’t tackled this one), exercise better (soon I will post my fitness section of my blog—stay tuned!), toss, restore and organize and tackle some nagging tasks (those tasks that you’ve been planning to do for a while but haven’t done).
 
2.       LOVE:  
The areas I want to work on include:
·         Quit nagging (I hate being a nag!)
·         Don’t expect praise or appreciation
·         Fight Right (tackle one difficult topic at a time, and not bring up every problem we’ve had since we got together 6 years ago)
I’ve learned over the years that you can’t change anyone else but yourself. My husband is a stubborn man, but I am stubborn as well. One important thing about happiness that I was fully aware of before I read this book, is that “spouses pick up each other’s moods so easily! A 30% increase in one’s spouse’s happiness boosts the other spouse’s happiness, while a drop in one’s spouse’s happiness drags the other down.” So, if my happiness project works at all for me, then I am bound to wear off on the Mr……. Right? J

3.       Aim Higher!
Sometimes being home all day, working at home can be so monotonous! Get up; make kids breakfast, clean the house, change diapers, make meals…the list goes on and on. Then I wake up the next day and do it all again! It’s tough sometimes being stuck in the house day in and day out. Eventually I will go back to work outside of the house, but while my kiddos are small, I want to stay home with them as long as I can. So, I have been thinking that it is very important to re-evaluate my life and incorporate some challenge in there! Something that I can be proud of and something that incorporates some creativity! To aim higher, Gretchen suggested, “that challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction…This is one of the many paradoxes of happiness: we seek to control our lives, but the familiar and the unexpected are important sources of happiness.” What Gretchen did to incorporate happiness, was to start a blog. A BLOG! VOILA! I could do that! This is where my idea to start a blog arose from. She planted the idea in my brain. A blog is a great way to connect me with people who have similar interests as me and a great way for me to express all those thoughts and stories that have been bobbing around in my head. In all honesty, I am happier already since I started a couple days ago. I am trying something new and it’s been really fun so far getting started. Doing this blog and really pondering all the craziness that comes with being a parent, is a great way of making me feel grateful for my ordinary day.

 

4.       Lighten Up! (Parenthood):
I thought this chapter of Gretchen’s novel was amazing! I agree with Gretchen that our kids can be a tremendous source of joy (many of my very happiest memories were with my kiddos), but they can also be a major source of worry, irritation, inconvenience and lost sleep! I am always pretty silly with the kids, I literally have a song for every part of the day (I inherited this trait from my own mother who has a song for everything!!); I dance along with them and play dress up all the time. However, sometimes I’m a little too snappy, or I don’t acknowledge the reality of their feelings as often as I should (page 97-100 provided some really simple and great child-rearing techniques that work so great! I will elaborate on this at a later date), and this is an area I want to work on. I would like to form more traditions with my kids and I also want to get all my photo-albums together. I have a ton of pictures on my laptop (I take a million pictures of the kids—what can I say, but it makes me happy) and I would be extremely upset if I ever lost them.

5.       Leisure and taking playtime seriously:
Gretchen explains that research shows that “regularly having fun is a key factor in having a happy life; people who have fun are twenty times as likely to feel happy.” Well, I want to have fun! Over the last 6 years the amount of fun I have has decreased significantly. The kids were born, our budget is financially tight, and it’s difficult to get babysitters because our family lives on the other side of the country. So, over the last couple months I have started to compile a list of budget friendly things I can do as an individual (ex. painting, yoga), and things we can do together as a family. Sometimes these things may not seem very exhilarating, but they still involve “Being Amy” and are things that I am passionate about.
 

 
 

6.       Make Time for Friends:

One conclusion that I have come to since moving to Alberta, is that the amount of friends I have has significantly declined. I think that the number of friends a person has, does tend to decrease as we get married, have kids, move away etc. Research shows though, that “strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness.” To keep this short, the happiness project suggests several tips to have wholesome friendships: remember birthdays, be generous, cut people slack, show up, don’t gossip and like I mentioned before “do good, feel good”. I am going to really try to work on all the above areas.

 

In sum, I no longer want to feel like I am drifting through life or spending days dreaming about things that would make me happy. I want to feel that I am being proactive in my own happiness. 2013 is my year, to get back on track, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Although this is a personal journey, I feel my whole family will benefit from a happier momma and wife. It’s time to take charge and really evaluate what makes me feel good and what makes me feel awful and use small actionable steps with  which I can grow into a happier and healthier me.

      I would love to hear if anyone else has read The Happiness Project and if you have found it as inspirational as I did. I would also love to hear about your own so-called “happiness projects!”

Love,

        Amy